My Thoughts As a Granddaughter

Don and I went to visit with my Grandma Smith (my mom’s mother) over Christmas break. While we were there, grandma said to me, “If there is anything of mine that you would like, you need to let me know." I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head, but I did tell grandma that she should write, with a Sharpie, names of the intended recipients on the bottoms of her knick knacks, etc.  I’m sure grandma has material things that I would love to have, just because they belong to her, but what I cherish most is something aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings cannot take from me...memories of her and my grandpa.

My advice for grandma to label things stems from personal events. When my Grandma Stucki (my dad’s mother) passed away years ago, I didn’t get to choose even a small trinket from her belongings. The only thing I have in my possession is a children’s book that grandma, a few years before she became sick, insisted I take home.  When I was a little girl, she and I would sit in her recliner, between the fireplace and the window, while she read stories from Little Brown Bear to me.  The book is old and torn, but the memories that flood my mind when I hold and peruse Little Brown Bear are beyond priceless.

Saying good-bye is never easy and it is all too common for extended families to crumble and go separate ways after the death of a loved one, especially if that loved one is the patriarch or matriarch of the family. What I have learned through experience is that people, family included, are unpredictable.  It is hard to say what will become of grandma’s posterity when she passes to the other side. I hope she will take my advice and spell out her intentions clearly for her children and grandchildren, because I think she would want her family to remain intact, having no hard feelings toward each other.

Guest Post/ Grandparenting a Child with Special Needs

I put my mother on the spot a couple of days ago and asked her to write a post for me. If you haven't already read 'How Do Grandparents of ASD Children Feel?', please click on the link and do so.


Before reading her words, however, I want you to know the first year of Cody's life was hard. Cody was born with multiple birth defects and we spent a great deal of time either in doctor's offices or in and out of hospitals. If it weren't for my mother, I could have never made it through that first year. She was by my side every step of the way. Years later, my mom even flew to Oregon twice within a six month period to take care of my younger children while Cody fought for his life in PICU.


From my point of view, grandparents play a significant role in raising a child with disabilities. My mother is an incredible person and I am happy that she wrote the following guest post:

Having Cody for a grandson has been an awesome experience. I can honestly say I would not want Cody to be any different than he is. He is truly a gift from heaven.

Everyone who has the opportunity to know Cody finds out what a great personality he has. I’m sure they will never forget him.

With that said, I have to say it has been hard at times to see my daughter, Cody’s mom, go through some very difficult times with Cody, most of them medical. I marvel at how amazingly strong she has become in facing these struggles.

Cody was my first grandchild. I didn’t have a preconceived idea what a grandchild should or shouldn’t be. I was never disappointed he was born different. My greatest worry has always been whether he is healthy or not.

I love Cody the same as all my grandchildren, we just have a different relationship and bond. I was privileged to be a big part of Cody’s first year. He loves his grandma, and grandma loves him!!

How DO Grandparents of ASD Children Feel?

I had an aha moment after reading one particular paragraph in the article I posted yesterday. It read...

"Researchers explain that grandparents often feel added frustration when coping with a grandchild with autism because they empathize with their own child as well as their grandchild and are concerned about the well-being of both."

Never had it occurred to me that my own mother may feel this way, but it makes perfect sense.

My grandmother use to tell me that you never stop worrying about your children, no matter how old they get, and now that my own children are adults, I completely understand what she was talking about. It's easy to imagine how I would feel if one of my sons or daughter had a child with special needs.

Looking further into this issue, I found a research report written last April by Connie Anderson Ph. D. for the Interactive Autism Network.  I want to share with you the following pie chart from that study. The data shows how much grandparents of children with ASD worry about their adult child:


                  If you'd like to read the article in it's entirety, chick here.


Now that I am enlightened to the issue, I am going to put my own mother on the spot and ask her if she will write a post for me. I'd like her to share some of her thoughts and feelings about being a mom to a daughter who has a child with autism.

We all have so much to learn from each other and I welcome your comments on the subject.