Wednesday, May 30, 2012

25 Ways to Tell You're Grown Up

I usually don't post things from Pinterest back to back, but this is too funny not to share. Off subject, but am I the only one who doesn't use exclamation points unless it's really, REALLY necessary? I thought about putting one at the end of my opening sentence...for about 2 seconds.

Source: via Jackie on Pinterest

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Please Keep Your Clothes On and Refrain from Barking

Another Kindergarten year has come to a close and I find myself wishing I had kept a log of funny things that came out of the mouths of our students. However, I do remember the following things that might give you a slight chuckle:

Once, during a lesson, Mrs. B. asked the students, "How many of you have ever ridden on a train?" Then she quickly told them, "Don't answer if you really haven't." One of the children proudly pronounced, "I road on a the North Pole!"

Another time, while reading a story about a dog, Mrs. B. did something only a Kindergarten teacher would need to do. She quickly added, "I know you all want to bark right now, but we're not going to do that."

Recently, I was working in the back of the classroom, while Mrs. B. was teaching the students on the carpet. I looked up when I heard Mrs. B. say, as nonchalantly as possible, "Aubrey. Put your skirt back on." (This is the same little girl who decided she was going to change her name to "Feonu"/ AKA Princess Fiona.) Mrs. B. made eye contact with me and I had to put my head down on the table because I was laughing so hard. Now, reminding little children to keep their shoes on, or to keep their arms inside their shirt sleeves, or to take off their coats, isn't uncommon, but never, in all my years of Kindergarten, have I heard, "Put your skirt back on."

I have the best job in the world and look forward to another school year with 5 and 6 year olds.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

I Am Autism

by Marty Murphy...

Hello. Allow me to introduce myself to you. My name is autism. Perhaps you know me or know of me. I am a condition, "disorder" that affects many people. I strike at will, when and where I want. Unlike Downs Syndrome or other birth "defects," I leave no marks on those I strike. In fact, I pride myself on the ability to infiltrate a child's life, while leaving him or her strikingly handsome. Many people may not even know I am there. They blame the child for what I cause him or her to do. I am autism and I do as I please.

I am autism. I strike boys and girls. infants and toddlers. I find my best victims to be boys around the age of 2, but any child will do. I like children and they are always the true victims, though I take hostage the others in the child's family as well. It is a bit like getting two for the price of one. I affect one child and "infect" the entire family.

I am autism. I strike rich and poor alike. The rich combat me with education and therapy. The poor shut their children away and cannot afford to fight me. I am able to win in the lives of poor children more than I am those of the wealthy, but I will try to take root anywhere.

I am autism. I am an equal opportunity disorder. I strike whites, blacks, Mexicans, Ukrainians, Russians, Poles, Slavs, Japanese, Koreans and Fins. In fact, I strike everywhere on Earth. I know no geographical bounds.

I am autism. I do not discriminate based upon religion either. I strike Jews and Christians, Muslims and Buddhists, Atheists and Agnostics. I do not care what religion a person is or what beliefs he may hold. When I strike, there will be little time for any of that anyway. When they find me, they will question everything they believe in, so why would I strike only one group? I have affected followers of every religion on the planet.

I am autism and I am strong and getting stronger every year, every month, every day, every minute and every second. I am concerned that money might be allotted to combat me and my takeover of children, but so far, I have little to fear. Some countries like Kuwait, are spending quite a bit of money to assist those who I have targeted and some, like the United States, would rather spend money on such ludicrous things as discovering the number of American Indians who practice Voodoo, as opposed to combating me. In an atmosphere such as that, I can flourish and wreck havoc at will. In places such as that, I rub my hands with glee at the problems I can cause to children, their families and to the society at large.

I am autism. When I come, I come to stay. I take the dreams and hopes of families and trample them with delight. I see the fear and confusion in the eyes of my victims and see the formation of wrinkles, the worries and pain on the face of their parents. I see the embarrassment their child causes because of me and the parents unsuccessful attempt to hide their child, and me. I see tears the parents cry and feel the tears of their child. I am autism. I leave sorrow in my wake.

I am autism. I taketh away and give nothing but bewilderment and loathing in return. I take speech and learning. I take socialization and understanding. I take away "common sense" and, if I am allowed to flourish, I take away all but their physical life. What I leave behind, is almost worse than death.

I am autism. I fear nothing except courage, which I thankfully see little of. I fear those who take a stand against me and attempt to fight me and bring others into the fight as well. I fear those who try to make it safe and easier for my victims in the community, and their families. I fear those who push ahead, despite the fact that I am in tow. I fear the day I will be eradicated from the planet. Yet, I do not fear too much right now. There is no need.

I am autism and I bet you know me or know of me. If you don't, you probably will soon. I am marching forward faster than I ever have before. I am looking for new children all the time. I am looking for new children to consume and new lives to destroy. I dread the day I will be looked upon with pity or worse yet, understanding, for that day, is the day I will begin to die.
But in the mean time I am safe, free to prowl onward. Free to cause the pain and suffering that I do so well. I am on a mission and have much work to do and thankfully no one is stopping me yet.

Hello. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is autism. Perhaps you know me or know of me, if not don't worry, you will meet me soon.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Raising Angels

The similarities between this girl's story and mine are amazing. Please watch the short video. (You may want to grab a tissue.)

"Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on
our hearts and we are never the same."      Flavia Weedn

Thursday, May 10, 2012

25 Reasons to Appreciate Your Mother

I received this from a friend of mine and thought I would share with everyone.

25 Reasons to Appreciate Your Mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING ..

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on, don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Special Friend of the Day

It was my turn to be "Special Friend of the Day" in Kindergarten this morning. The students asked me the following questions...

What's your favorite color?
What's your favorite movie?...What About Bob?
What's your favorite vacation place?...Disneyland
What's your favorite game?...Yahtzee (Hey, I had to give them something. I couldn't very well say "Sneeki-Tiki Slot Machine".)
What's your favorite dessert?...Hot Fudge Sundae
What's your favorite shape?...uummm....Rectangle?
What's your favorite food?...Chinese
What's your favorite animal?...puppy

But the best part about being Special Friend of the Day was bringing home pictures that the kids drew of me. It's funny what each child perceives. Here are a few of my favorites:

Too bad I don't have a nose to take in the fragrance of this colossal flower.

Here I am in my cheerleader pose.

Apparently this student thinks I look more like a football player than a cheerleader.

This boy is oblivious to the fact that I have hair...

...while this girl sees me looking more like Frenchie from 'Grease'.

Again...more giant flowers with no means to smell them.
By the way, you would never catch me wearing red. :)

So what if my arms are fatter than my legs? I have got to give this
little guy credit for remembering the ID badge around my neck.

Do you detect a look of guilty surprise on my face, or is it just me,
and what do you suppose that thing is on top of my head?

Here I am inside my Nissan (complete with spoiler). This little artist is obsessed with vehicles.
He asked me a couple of weeks ago, "What kind of car do you drive and what color are your rims?"
What color are your rims! How many six year olds have asked you that question?

I have the best job in the world. Kindergarten is the shizz!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Coca-Cola Tuk Tuk

My daughter's best friend spent the last four months in Thailand teaching English to Thai children. Sunday night, she came to our house bearing gifts. Imagine my surprise when she gave me an adorable Coca-Cola Tuk Tuk (Taxi) for my collection.

I asked my son to take more than one picture of the Tuk Tuk, so you can see the fine details...

Flag Side

Top View

Notice the perfectly centered "Coca-Cola" back seat.

Driver's Seat

Check out the spare tire. Cute!

Front View

This is definitely my new favorite Coca-Cola Collectible. Thank you so very much for thinking of me Kaitlen!
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