Thursday, March 31, 2011

Excerpts from the Mouth of Cody

Every time Chase takes Cody for a ride in his truck, the following conversation takes place...
Chase- What CD do you want to listen to Fatty?
Cody- Eminem.
Chase- I don't have Eminem anymore.
Cody- Korn.

Don was singing as he helped Cody out of the bathtub. This is how Cody reacted...
Cody- Stop singing.
Don- You don't like my singing?
Cody- Nope.
Don- Don't you think I'm a good singer?
Cody- Not really.

When anybody yawns, Cody will say, "Can'tcha wait 'till nine tonight?"

When people sneeze, Cody asks, "Did you get dust up your nose, or just allergies?"

Cody was reminiscing about playing 'Rock, Paper, Scissors'...
Cody-  "Get this. Paper covers rock and scissors cut paper."
Me- Oh ya? What does rock do? Crush scissors or something?
Cody- No, no, no. Rock crushes water.

Somebody on television said, "Jennifer lost her baby."
Cody asked, " How did Jennifer's baby get lost?"

Cody- Katelyn, do you think you can plant olives in the spring time?
Katelyn (half ingnoring Cody and oblivious to the fact that an Olive Garden television commercial just came on)- Probably.
Cody- No. This is serious! Who plants olives?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Words Worth Repeating/ "Who's Weird- Besides Me?"

This is what my son with Autism says every time you give him his iPod. It was this same type of repetitive behavior that helped my husband and I figure out that he needed to be tested for Autism. We learned about Autism on the 'Sally Jesse Rafael Show'. Our son was around 10 years old by then. Doctors, teachers, as well as school district "specialist" had never even suggested that Autism might be one of his disabilities. Had we known sooner, we may have been able to teach him differently. You see, although he functions fairly well, he has certain behaviors that we just can't break. For instance, he won't get out of bed in the morning and go to the bathroom until someone tells him to. My husband or I have to be sure to get him up so he doesn't have any accidents in bed. Do we ever get to sleep in? Rarely.

Here's my advice to young parents who have been blessed with a disabled child...learn to be aggressive. You have that "instinct" that other people in your child's life won't. Also, educate yourself about your child's disability. Although the road ahead may not come easy, it can be smoother with extra effort on your part. I have found that the rewards from having my son as part of our family definitely outweigh all the trials that come with him.

Originally posted June 19, 2010

Saturday, March 26, 2011

5 Songs That Bring Back Memories for Cody

After cartoons this morning, I changed the channel to Sirius Satellite Radio, so Cody could listen to his favorite 80's music while I cleaned the house. Periodically, he would get my attention and say, "This song reminds me of _______". I tried to get him to tell me why and give me details, but without much luck. Here are five of the songs, along with what limited amount of information Cody chose to share:

1) Life in a Northern Town by Dream Academy/ "Ford"

2) When the Going Gets Tough by Billy Ocean/ "Dunkin Donuts"

3) How Will I Know by Whitney Houston/ "rubbing your head hard, like rubbing a noogie"

4) King For A Day by Thompson Twins/ "a puppet show"

5) It's Still Rock and Roll to Me by Billy Joel/ "grandma's keyboard"

The only one that I can make any sense of is number five.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Pics for Proof

After I wrote about how much I despise my son's beard in my post Wittiness and Whiskers , some of you requested that I show some photos. 

Much to my regret, your wish is granted.

Scary and Revolting

Nasty Freakin' Beard

I wish he'd go back to this. I think shorter is better.

But, being the pigheaded, adamant, mulish, headstrong person that he is, Chase doesn't care what anyone thinks, especially his mother. (However, out of curiosity, I wouldn't mind hearing your opinions.)


Thursday, March 24, 2011

How South Park and Disney's Toon Town Are Similar...

If there is a single ride at Disneyland that you want to avoid, it is Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin in Toon Town! There are no Fast Passes for this ride and the line is deceiving. Once you're inside the building, the line winds and winds around walls that you cannot see beyond. Just when you think you're closer to actually getting on the ride, you come to another bend.

We waited in line for 80 minutes (Katelyn's bright idea). It was ridiculous.

Chase told me about the following episode of South Park and, believe me, our experience in Toon Town wasn't far from it. Check it out. (I think Katelyn is Cartman in this episode. Sorry Katelyn. Watch it and you'll understand. Haha)...


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Who's Sweeter...My Husband or My Dog?

I adore dogs (Well...most dogs. I don't care for little, yappy ones and I hate Poodles), but I cannot handle animals being inside my house. Since I am a teeny-tiny bit of a clean freak, I'm sure you understand my reasoning.  

Our dog, Homie, lives safely in our backyard. It is completely fenced in, so she pretty much has free reign.

Last Friday night, after her date, Katelyn came home to find Homie in our front yard. It had been storming, the wind blew the fence gate open and Homie snuck out. The dog's not stupid, but she did have a dilemma. The wind had also blown the gate shut and Homie was stuck out front. Being the precious, obedient pet that she is, she hung out and waited for someone (Katelyn) to come to her rescue.

After that night, Don decided to work on the gate and secure it. That meant fixing the gap Homie enjoyed peeking out of to survey the goings on in our cul-de-sac.

I suppose Don felt sorry for her, because when I came home from work one afternoon, this is what I observed...


Who's sweeter? My husband or my dog?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Wittiness and Whiskers

If you're a fairly new reader of my blog, there are four things you need to know about my son Chase.

1) He is 26 years old.
2) He is a tease.
3) He takes pleasure in driving me crazy.
4) He has grown the ugliest beard I have ever seen.

Now, before you become concerned about Chase reading this post and having his feelings hurt, I will tell you that he already knows perfectly well how I feel about his ugly ass beard. Chase's facial hair is the reason I refused to have family pictures taken last Christmas. Don (my husband) keeps reminding me, "The more you nag Chase about the beard, the longer he will hold out on shaving it off." That's how Chase rolls, so it's probably true.

Yesterday, as I sat at my desk, I looked down at my calendar and saw this...

Check out the 23rd of March. That is not my handwriting. Look a little closer...

If you're thinking I should just take him up on it since I hate the beard so bad, think again. I'll bet he wants $500 or some other ridiculous amount.

Hilarious, Chase. Very funny.

Monday, March 21, 2011

How Late Is Late?

Anaheim, CA

Arriving at our hotel near Disneyland, the girls (both 19 years old) spotted Bubba Gump, a seafood restaurant. The two of them let it be known that they wanted to dine there at least once during our vacation.

On day two, as we left California Adventure Park and headed back to the motel, the girls spotted a sign on Bubba Gump that flashed "OPEN LATE". Since it was only 9:50 p.m. and we were hungry for something other than the junk we'd eaten in the parks, we thought it would be a good idea to enjoy a "real" meal before climbing into bed for the night. As the four of us walked through the open doors, the male hosts looked at us a little funny and we got the vibe that they were trying to close. We joked with them about their flashing sign and 10:00 being "LATE" for Anaheim. The hosts assured us that the restaurant was open for business and we were more than welcome to stay.

The four of us were seated right away and we could see that there were several tables filled with dining people. Our waiter was quick to ask what we wanted to drink and then he gave us a minute, literally, to look over the menu. "The kitchen will be closing in 5 minutes." he told us, half apologetically. Baffled and hungry, we hastily made our choices and gave him our orders.

Our meals were delicious, but we were rushed and the more we talked about it, the more irritated we became. That's when Jennica, Beverly's daughter, decided she would order, just to be obstinate, the Strawberry Shortcake she'd been eye-balling for dessert. 

I don't know why the hosts at the door didn't just come out and tell us the restaurant was trying to close. We would have understood and appreciated having the option to hastily feast or return another day, especially given the high price of seafood.

I won't be "liking" this restaurant on facebook. Just sayin'.

(In the near future, I will fill you in on another vacation experience/ restaurant review... Mimi's Cafe.)

Saturday, March 19, 2011

My 4 Day Disney Park Hopper Diet

Crap Food I Actually Purchased in the Parks...

Corn Dog with Apple Slices

Caramel Apple

Mickey Pecan Cluster

Nachos (twice)

Fish and Chips

Hot Fudge Sundae

And if the aforementioned isn't enough junk for your eyes to behold, check out the snacks I stashed in my backpack for in-between meals...

Bottle Caps


Cheese Crackers

Slim Jims

Granola Bars

Here is my theory. The joy of vacationing at amusement parks isn't only in the thrill of the rides, but temporarily abusing my body with foods I normally wouldn't indulge in.

I had such a great time.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

10 Proven Ways to Know When Someone is an Alcoholic/ Guest Post by Chase Lancaster

My mother has been hassling me, day in and day out, to write a "guest blog" for her. I have finally come up with an idea that I hope you'll find amusing.

For almost 3 years, I’ve been working for the DABC (Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control, yeah fancy huh?) During this time, I have noticed a vast difference between alcoholics, winos and drunks.

Alcoholics walk into the store and straight to their drink of choice. They know exactly how much their bottle will cost, and usually reek of their drink .

Winos are typically elderly and/or snobby, very picky about what wines they purchase, and seem to enjoy the store's carryout policy, abusing it to the full extent.

Drunks normally come in the store on the weekend. They roam around, searching for the perfect drink to get intoxicated and wipe away memories of their past work week.

The following are 10 proven ways to know when someone is an alcoholic:

1. They walk straight to their bottle (some could do this with their eyes closed, no lie).

2. They already know (by heart) what the total price of their bottle will be, plus tax.

3. They purchase plastic bottled pints. (A customer once told me he calls them "pocket pals".)

4. They are wearing the same clothes they wore the day prior (not always the case but quite common).

5. They reek of their drink. (Tequila is the most noticeable, especially Jose Cuervo, bleh!)

6. They pay in change (gotta love $3.50 in dimes and nickels).

7. They take more than their share of free candy for their kids (because they spent all their change on the bottle).

8. Their hands shake as they slide their debit card. (I’ve had to enter pin numbers on multiple occasions.)

9. They know the store's staff members by name (and go out of their way to say "hi" daily, as if we are their only friends).

And last but not least…

10. They are waiting outside the door when we open at 11 a.m. (we employees call this group "the breakfast club").

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Shells, Sand and a Six Year Old

David, a sweet little boy in our Kindergarten glass, went to El Salvador for a few weeks and brought me back gifts. How cute is that? It's moments like this that make the bad days worthwhile.

This is a little key chain purse.

He brought me shells and black sand. The sand was still damp.

Realizing that I don't know much about El Salvador, I did some research. This is what I learned...

It is the smallest country in Central America.

Map of Central America

Because of volcanoes, many beaches have black sand.

The primary currency is the U.S. dollar.

The following video shows the diverse geography of the country:

Thank you David, for the gifts and inspiring me to learn more about your family's native country.

Friday, March 11, 2011

11 Simple Things that Make Cody Happy

1) Sleeping in a sleeping bag- On the floor or the top of his bed, It doesn't matter.

2) Macaroni and Cheese- He'll eat any kind, but he gets Kraft Easy Mac the most. Easier is better, right?

3) Watching his favorite programs- Survivor, The Price is Right, and Saturday morning cartoons.

4) Quarter Pounders with Cheese- They HAVE to have cheese.

5) Swimming- Cody can out-float anyone, as long as the pool water is calm. He's amazing.

6) Holidays- right down to Columbus Day. Cody loves to have something to celebrate and look forward to.

7) Sleeping at grandma's house-

8) Baseball- playing electronic baseball games and listening to games on t.v.

9) His dad's emergency pager-

10) Listening to airplanes take off and land.

11) Mrs. Doubtfire- Cody has the movie pretty much memorized and loves the music, particularly House of Pain's 'Jump Around' and Aerosmith's 'Dude Looks Like a Lady'.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

You Can Help Individuals with Autism and their Families

Each spring and fall, Scentsy, a company that designs and sells scented wax and warmers, selects a charitable cause or organization to support by creating a new warmer in its honor. I am excited to tell you this Spring, Scentsy has designed a warmer to represent Autism. 100% of the net proceeds from the sale of this warmer will be donated directly to Autism Speaks. The warmer is called Piece by Piece and has pop out puzzle pieces, designed to represent the mission of this charity.  Piece by Piece is a limited edition warmer and will only be available in the Scentsy Spring/Summer 2011 Catalog.

I am a fan of Scentsy products and have used them for years. When I opened my new catalog and saw the warmer designed with Autism in mind, I thought, "I must spread the word by blogging about this."

To view and order your Piece by Piece Warmer, click on .

For more information about Autism Speaks and their mission, visit  http://www.autismspeaks,org/ .

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Pathetic Little Liar

Cody loves his dad and tries to emulate him, whether it be copying his tone of voice, clearing his throat, or repeating words and phrases his dad says. The two of them like to tease each other as well. They call each other names (see Dodo Head post and have an ongoing argument about how to pronounce coupon and envelope.

Last night, the three of us were watching TV when Cody passed gas. This is nothing unusual for Cody, but what he said afterward was.

Cody...toot... "It was dad."

Don- "What was me?"

Cody- "I rattled a little bit."

Cody is a rather pathetic little liar. In a matter of about 15 seconds, Cody farted, blamed his dad and then confessed.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


Have you ever had a facebook friend who's statuses made you feel like gagging? I did. She would post things like...

"I had a wonderful Saturday. This morning my husband, who happens to be the sweetest man on earth, took me on a hike. After we got home, I bottled 48 pints of peach jelly, while my husband cleaned the garage, mowed the lawn, and washed both of our cars. I am such a lucky woman. (I sure hope I get a foot rub tonight.)"


"This morning I'm going to volunteer at the hospital. I look so cute in pink scrubs. After my art class, I plan on meeting up with some girl friends for brunch. After I scrub all three bathrooms and clean out every closet in the house, I'm going to prepare a five course meal for the family. I'm hoping my husband will agree to take the kids bowling (I'm sure he will because he's such a wonderful man). I plan to spend my evening soaking in a bubble bath with a good book."


"I'm thinking about becoming a Girl Scout Leader. What do you think ladies? I have all of the skills needed to teach the girls. I can even set up a tent. Not just any woman can do that, right?!"


Am I envious? I don't think so. Am I resentful? Maybe, but I got tired of reading her facebook bullshit updates, so I un-friended her. Nobody, not even Martha Stewart, has a life that perfect.

Please, tell me I'm not the only one who has discarded a "friend" with no regrets.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Cody's Dinner Conversation Topic

A great meal requires not only good food but good conversation. Tonight, Cody stepped up to the plate and got the conversation flowing...

Cody- You going to see Lady Gaga?

Me- Who are you talking to Code?

Cody- Dad.

Don? At a Lady Gaga concert? Now that would be a sight to behold!

Friday, March 4, 2011

On the Sly

It has always been difficult to get Cody to read braille at home. Being autistic as well as blind, Cody thinks reading is something he should do only at school. He also hates reading aloud. If I ask him to read to me, he'll speak at a snail's pace, mumble, or chop up sentences so badly that I want to pull my eyelashes out one by one.

Yesterday, I stumbled across a journal that Cody kept when he was younger. Realizing how much he enjoys reminiscing, I nonchalantly plopped it in his lap and said, "Hey Cody. I found your journal. If you want to read it to yourself, you can. It has fun stories about living in Oregon and going to OSB." I then left him alone, knowing if I made a big production out of it, he'd never examine the book.

Later in the evening, Katelyn and I were sitting on the sofa enjoying Winter Wipeout, when I glanced over at Cody and witnessed this...

We then watched as Cody read five or six pages, with a big grin on his face, before he closed up the book and put it on the floor. Incredible.

de·vi·ous- showing a skillful use of underhanded tactics to achieve goals. (Yep. That's me!)

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Babysitting and Pranks

When I was young, my parents didn't leave my siblings and me with a babysitter very often, but there are three teenage girls that do stand out in my mind. Sitter number one use to threaten to put my head in the toilet if I kept bugging her to play Candy Land. (It's funny. Now that I'm older, I can see her point.) Sitter number two was a little on the chubby side. She liked to eat our tomatoes. For some reason, at the time, my little brain thought that was disgusting. The third babysitter actually left us and went off with some boys. Thank goodness my stepsister, who lived in the same neighborhood with her mom, somehow found out we were alone and came to our rescue. (I'm sure sitter number three was just a slut, because we weren't bad children.)

When I became a teen, I hated babysitting. Having two younger brothers, I figured watching them once in awhile was enough. However, I did like having money, so I accepted a few jobs. My favorite ones were when the kids were already in bed when I got there. All I had to do was watch television and maybe have a bowl of ice cream (with their permission). One jack-ass dad stands out in my mind. He got mad at me because his baby wasn't in the crib asleep when he got home. (I was holding and rocking the sleeping baby, because the little thing cried and cried when I put him in his crib.) I had the other three kids in bed and they were sleeping soundly, but that wasn't good enough. Did I mention the guy was a jerk?

My younger sister was a much better babysitter than I. Not only would she watch kids all day, she would even wash people's dirty dishes. Not me. No way. I wasn't getting paid to be a maid; I was hired to watch the children.

One thing is for certain. I sure am glad nobody did to me what Scare Tactics did to the poor guy in this clip:

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I Do NOT Have Road Rage

Every single time I get in my car, at least one driver tailgates me. A lot of the time the tailgaters are teenage drivers (we live close to a high school), but more often than not, the person tailgating is old enough to have had plenty of driving experience. Regardless, if you live in the United States and have a driver's license, you should know better than to drive too closely behind someone. Since I am pretty much in love with my car, slamming on the brakes to teach these jerks
a lesson is not an option. I'm thinking that I need one of these...

I've never had a driver honk at me while tailgating, but if they did, they would get to see my extended middle finger. I'm sure the honking in this video was just for effect, but can you imagine? Whatever happened to courteous drivers?
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...