My mother has been hassling me, day in and day out, to write a "guest blog" for her. I have finally come up with an idea that I hope you'll find amusing.
For almost 3 years, I’ve been working for the DABC (Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control, yeah fancy huh?) During this time, I have noticed a vast difference between alcoholics, winos and drunks.
Alcoholics walk into the store and straight to their drink of choice. They know exactly how much their bottle will cost, and usually reek of their drink .
Winos are typically elderly and/or snobby, very picky about what wines they purchase, and seem to enjoy the store's carryout policy, abusing it to the full extent.
Drunks normally come in the store on the weekend. They roam around, searching for the perfect drink to get intoxicated and wipe away memories of their past work week.
The following are 10 proven ways to know when someone is an alcoholic:
1. They walk straight to their bottle (some could do this with their eyes closed, no lie).
2. They already know (by heart) what the total price of their bottle will be, plus tax.
3. They purchase plastic bottled pints. (A customer once told me he calls them "pocket pals".)
4. They are wearing the same clothes they wore the day prior (not always the case but quite common).
5. They reek of their drink. (Tequila is the most noticeable, especially Jose Cuervo, bleh!)
6. They pay in change (gotta love $3.50 in dimes and nickels).
7. They take more than their share of free candy for their kids (because they spent all their change on the bottle).
8. Their hands shake as they slide their debit card. (I’ve had to enter pin numbers on multiple occasions.)
9. They know the store's staff members by name (and go out of their way to say "hi" daily, as if we are their only friends).
And last but not least…
10. They are waiting outside the door when we open at 11 a.m. (we employees call this group "the breakfast club").