Guess Whoooo's Wide Awake?

What I Wish My Teacher Knew...

While browsing through Instagram today, I came across the following photo from the first kindergarten teacher I ever worked with. She now teaches 3rd grade and was kind enough to allow me to share this on my blog. I know you're going to love it as much as I do. Prepare to laugh!

I knew that you would laugh! 

What the child meant to say was Kendamas. Mrs. C. had to have him read it to her because she had no idea. If you don't know what a Kendama is, it is a wooden skill toy that comes from Japan and is really popular with the kids right now. You can click on the link for a picture.

Thank you so much for sharing the humor with us Mrs. C. !

Kindergarten Censored

At recess today, Mrs. C., one of the four Kindergarten teachers at our school, shared a funny story with me.

Mrs. C. has one student that she suspects may have Asperger’s Syndrome. (I’ll call him Max.) Max is REALLY smart and adorable and quirky and he did something today that is definitely blog worthy.

Mrs. C. introduced phonemic worksheets to her students yesterday and apparently she called them just that… “phonemic worksheets”.

Well….Max REALLY must have enjoyed doing his phonemic worksheet in class, because this morning he blurted out three times before Mrs. C. could stop him, “Teacher! Teacher! When are we going to do our f***ing worksheets?”

Phonemic awareness is the ability to hear, identify and manipulate the separate sounds in a word. It seems that Max is on the right track. He can certainly hear the beginning “F” sound.  

Hahahaha

Asperger's and Fries

While watching TV as a family one evening, Jim Parsons, the actor who plays Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory, came on the screen. One thing lead to another and our conversation turned to Asperger's. Cody, our son who is autistic and always trying to involve himself in conversations, threw out the question, “Asperger’s and fries?”

It only took us a few seconds to realize that Cody thought we were talking about some kind of hamburger. Cody was food pairing and like peanut butter goes with jelly and macaroni goes with cheese, burgers and fries are meant to be together. After a good chuckle, we explained to Cody, “It’s Asperger’s, not Asburger’s” and clarified the difference in spelling.

Then it dawned on me. Asperger’s and Fries would be a brilliant name for my blog, considering I post mostly about autism and food. But I’m not going to change my blog’s name. I have far too many things linked to Snippets ‘N Stuff.

Cody’s “Asperger’s and Fries” would also be a splendid name for a restaurant, if I were going to open one, which I’m not…unless somebody out there wants to help out by investing money, then I’m all ears.  J

Kindergarten Writing Assessments/ #prettyfunnystuff

Mrs. B. gave our class a writing assessment this week. She orally instructed them to write this simple sentence, "The dog sat in the sun." After the children wrote the sentence, they were allowed to draw a picture at the bottom of the page, then Mrs. B. asked me to write the proper sentence in pen underneath the box before filing their papers. At the end of the year, the students will be given the exact same assessment, hopefully showing improvement.

As you can guess, Kindergarten students enter the school year with varying levels of ability, especially when it comes to writing. Here are a few papers that I deemed worthy to share...

The paper above is a perfect example of typical Kindergarten writing. This little learner obviously knows the sight word 'the' and was able to hear some beginning and ending consonant sounds in the words 'dog', 'sat' and 'sun'.

This child did a pretty good job as well, except his poor dog has too many legs and a sore, tailless bum.

With a little help learning the correct use of upper and lower case letters and punctuation, I imagine this Kindergartner will write a near perfect assessment at the end of the year.

I love this picture. Most kids draw dogs standing on four legs, but this little guy made his puppy lay on the grass, belly up, with paws in the air AND holding a flower. Adorable!

NOW--- I saved the best for last. If this one doesn't put a smile on your face, something is wrong with you.

At first glance, it looks like this sentence says 'The dog shit', but let me share with you how to decipher Kindergarten writing...

#1- You can see that this little girl knows the sight word 'the' and the word 'dog'.
#2- You can tell that she heard the 's' sound when Mrs. B. said the word sat. 
#3- She also wrote the word 'in', she just wrote it backwards and the 'n' happens to look like an 'h'. 
#4- Obviously she started to write 'the' again, but for whatever reason, didn't get it finished. 

And THAT, my friends, is how 'The dog sits in the sun' can easily be mistaken for 'The dog shit'.  :)

Cody's Kind of Cursing

On weekday mornings, after Cody eats breakfast and has a bath, he plops down in the recliner, listens to the morning news on television and waits for a ride to his day program. 

This morning, as I was cleaning the kitchen, I heard Cody repeating, "Dumb something....(pause)....Dumb something....(pause)....Dumb something." 

Undoubtedly he was trying to get my attention, so I decided to stop and ask Cody why he was using the word dumb over and over and over. This his how our conversation went...

"Dumb what?" I asked.

"On TV." Cody replied.

"What about it?" I coaxed.

Cody, in his typical autistic manner, responded with clues rather than a complete sentence... "On TV. That person." 

"What person? What are you talking about? I don't understand." I continued.

Cody hinted, "WELL, you and dad call people that when you're frustrated." 

At that moment a little light went off in my head and I guessed, "Dumb shit? Are you calling someone on TV a dumb shit?" 

Cody smiled, then he readily admitted, "YES!"



And now you know that my husband and I are the kind of people who talk to the TV screen while watching reality television, game shows and news programs. :)

Potty Mouth Police

When it comes to the local news, my husband likes to look at two columns in particular. Let me put it this way... I can count on him to inform me if someone I know has either passed away or been arrested. 

Annoyed and talking out loud (mostly to himself) while browsing the Internet this morning, Don said, "What did they do, change the layout of this page?! Where's the obituaries?"

Without delay, Cody reprimanded his dad and said,  "Hey! How come you call him that? That's not nice!" 

It seems that Cody thinks obituary is spelled  oh-bitch-uary and is profanity.

Maybe it's not a curse word, but it sure does sound like one. :)

Advice for Married Men

 

Getting It Twisted - A Little Marijuana Humor

Keep in mind that Cody enjoys listening in on other people's conversations as I share some casual dialogue between Don and I over breakfast this morning.

Me- "What are your plans today?"

Don- "I need to burn that pile of weeds in the backyard, but I don't really want to smell like smoke."

At this point, I headed into the bedroom to finish getting ready for work when I heard Cody ask Don...

"How come you're smoking weed in the backyard dad?"

Happy 29th Birthday!

Today is Chase's birthday and to give you an idea of his personality and the role Chase plays in our family, please click on the following links:

Playful Prankster

Wittiness and Whiskers

I Don't Want a Mail Order Bride for a Daughter-In-Law

A little note here. Chase did not have to go to Russia for his mail order bride after all. He found the love of his life right here in the states (and I thank God every day). Click on Chase and Talitha's Wedding to see pics.

Chase Trimmed His Beard and I Didn't Think He Looked Gay Enough, So I Made Him Wear a Cowboy Outfit

Imitation Marijuana

Ah-La-La-La. I Can't Hear You.

Bonding Moment Between Brothers

And the last link, written by Chase himself, is one of Snippets 'N Stuff's most read posts:

Guest Post by Chase Lancaster/ 10 Proven Ways to Know When Someone is an Alcoholic


Happy Birthday Chase! Enjoy... because this time next year, you'll be the big THREE ZERO. : )

Chase and Talitha/ August 23,2013

My Favorite Commercial on TV Right Now

I just love this commercial so much! 

If this guy parked next to Don, he would be extremely pissed...and that's putting it mildly. :)

Don's Father's Day Card

Katelyn and Matt picked the perfect card for Don. I just love it!

Feeling Just a Notch or Two Above Hillbilly and Hooker

My daughter is getting married in May and I have to buy myself a new dress. Most women enjoy shopping for new clothes. I don't. I have been to all of the retail clothing stores in town that have reasonable prices (like JCPenney and Kohl's) and have not found a single thing that I like. The fact that I could stand to lose a few pounds doesn't help, but body weight is not the point I want to make here. This is the problem. I have had to resort to shopping at the more expensive department stores and I have major insecurity issues when I walk through their doors. I feel like there might as well be a big black tattoo on my forehead that says "I don't belong here." You know, kinda like Vivian (Julia Roberts) in the Pretty Woman scene where she is shopping in a boutique on Rodeo Drive in her prostitute garb. Yep. I can totally relate. That is exactly how I feel, only I wear "camping clothes" (jeans and a t-shirt) instead of hooker attire.





This reminds me of a time in the '90s, when Don and I drove a 1985 Chevy Astro Van and decided to buy tickets to the Parade of Homes. For those of you who do not know what the Parade of Homes is, it is an opportunity for the public to tour brand new houses, usually in the $1,000,000 +  range. Seriously, we might as well have been riding in the Clampett contraption from the television series the Beverly Hillbilly's.

Chit-Chatting with Cody

Keep in mind that Cody is autistic as well as blind while you read these brief, yet humorous dialogues that recently took place in our home:

Don, Cody and I were sitting at the table eating lunch and engaging in casual conversation. After a minute or two of silence, Cody spoke up and asked, “Whatcha giving me dirty looks for dad?”

After Christmas, Don packed up our rocking musical reindeer along with the other decorations and Cody wasn’t a bit happy about it. He told his dad, “You’re a Jack.” (Because he refuses to swear, that’s Cody’s way of saying Jack Ass.) Then, in the same breath, Cody said, “I’m talking to you precious dad.”

Katelyn, Matt, Cody, Don and I were sitting in the living room one evening when Cody unexpectedly shot out of the recliner and said “Hey Guys?! (pause) I can’t see!”

Want a Good Laugh to Start Your Weekend ?

You're welcome!   :)

On Any Given Weekend...

This is what goes on at our house...

Walker uses grandma's Coke tins as drums.

He eats M&M's and watches Netflix with his dad and aunt Katelyn.

The girls play with each other's hair. (By the way Talitha, this pic is going in my
"What my Family Usually Does When They See Me with a Camera" album on facebook.)

Asher sleeps in grandpa's arms.

Chase plays Bristle Blocks with his son...

...and downloads Billy Ocean, Aaron Neville and MC Hammer songs on iTunes for Cody.

Just before the kids came to the house, I started a wedding planning list for Katelyn. I should have known better than leave the document open. Chase got his hands on it (of course) and added a few things. I'm sure you can figure out which items he felt should be included.

Katelyn’s Wedding Planning List

      Dress

      Venue

      Décor

      Flowers

      Food Reception

      Photographer/ List of Shots 

      Invitations

      List of Addresses

      Brides Maids- Dresses?

      Marriage License

      Disc Jockey or iPod music

      Matt’s Ring

      Cake

      Peanut butter balls

      Nachos

      Ice sculpture turtles

      Bounce house

      Caviar

      Kiddy pool for bobbing apples

      Male stripper in gorilla suit.. scratch that.. add to bridal shower list

Dog Rules

My son Casey is crazy about dogs, so when I stumbled across the book My Dog is the World's Best Dog by Suzy Becker, I thought of him. I'm going to get this printed so Casey can put it on a wall in his home.

Dog Rules

1.   The dog is not allowed in the house.

2.  OK, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.

3.  The dog is allowed in all the rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.

4.  The dog can get on the old furniture only.

5.  Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with humans on the bed.

6.  OK, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.

7.  The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.

8.  The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.

9.  The dog can sleep under the covers every night.

10.  Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

Homie was Casey's first (real) dog. He still has about a dozen stuffed dogs in a box in our garage. 

Katelyn holding Harli

Harli Growing

Casey and Harli

Everything You Need to Know About Trading Halloween Candy

This is great!

How Don and I Spent Our Afternoon

(If you're expecting an R rated post, read no further.)

Don picked me up from work at noon and we headed to Deseret Industries. Those of you who are unfamiliar with this store, Deseret Industries is like Goodwill. Sometimes you can find good bargains there and I was on a hunt for materials to make a cupcake tier for my daughter-in-law's baby shower.

While we were waiting in line to purchase a gently used Elmo outfit and Old Navy jacket for my two year old grandson (the cupcake tier hunt proved to be unsuccessful), the cashier was helping a lady who had quite a few items and was struggling to put a scarf she just purchased in a plastic bag. (I later realized that watching her bag her own items should have been my first clue that the cashier was a jerk.) Suddenly Don and I heard the cashier yell, "Are you in line or what?! Duh de duh duh duh..." as he made faces and flapped his arms up and down like an out-of-control balancing scale.

Now, I consider myself a fairly patient person (dealing with Cody and all), but you can probably guess how well this flew with me. In a split second, after my initial shock, I looked the guy square in the eye and said, "What?! You have GOT to be kidding me!" He ignored my reaction and proceeded to ring up our items as I shook my head in unbelief. Wondering why Don wasn't reacting the same way I was, I left him there to deal with our purchase while I hunted down the manager to report the cashier's absolute unprofessional behavior.

Satisfied that I had at least reported him to his supervisor, Don and I left the building and climbed into our car. Still shaking our heads about what had happened we stopped at the red light and just as the light turned green, a lady driving behind us honked her damn horn. This is when Don and I started to laugh and we kept laughing even as we pulled up beside (not behind) Mrs. Impatient at the next red light. Don watched the traffic signal intently and just as it turned green, he honked our car horn. Maybe you had to be there, but it was funny. Mrs. Impatient made sure she stayed ahead of us all the way to her destination, which turned out to be Golden Corral, an all-you-can-eat buffet. IDK? I suppose the cranky woman was just in a hurry because she was hungry?

Realizing that we hadn't eaten lunch ourselves, Don and I decided to make our way to Jack-in-the Box and grab a bite to eat. (We didn't have time to follow our new friend into Golden Corral, sit in a table beside her and follow her around the buffet line telling her to hurry up. My husband's idea). Normally Don and I prefer to take fast food to go. However, because we could get free soda refills (at this point we were both in severe need of caffeine) AND I was wearing white pants and tend to be messy when eating tacos, we went inside. Midway through our meal, an elderly couple came into Jack-in-the-Box and proceeded to rearrange most of the tables in the dining room end to end. Within minutes more elderly couples began to arrive and take their seats at what was beginning to look like a Thanksgiving table. That's when Don leaned over and whispered to me, "Hurry up. Let's leave before I have to do CPR on someone. It appears to be geriatric day at Jack-in-the-Box." (Don has actually had to do CPR more than once, although not in fast food restaurants.)

We filled our cups to the brim with Diet Coke one final time and got back into our car, deciding to make one more stop at Wal-Mart before heading home. As we approached the freeway, we came to a green light at a fairly new intersection. There were only two trucks in front of us and they proceeded to sit through the entire light. (Had she been there, I'm fairly certain that Golden Corral lady would have had a mini-stroke.) I do realize that the first truck could have been having a mechanical issue, but it's doubtful. I think the driver was a small town man confused by the green arrows at an unfamiliar traffic light, or he was taking a power nap, or both.

Anyway, that was our afternoon. How was yours?

Off-the-Clock Humor

When I walked into the classroom Wednesday morning, Mrs. B. had a birthday bag full of gifts for me, including candy with clever little notes...

Have I ever mentioned how much I love working with her? Not only is she a terrific teacher, but she is an amazing person.

I know Mrs. B. reads my blog at times and that makes me a little nervous. I have asked her to remember that my personal life and my professional life are a bit different. For instance, at school I would not joke about marijuana or boobs like I did in this post and this post. I would never cuss around the children like I cussed here and here and I most certainly wouldn't show this or this or even this video to the students.

That is why I was sooo happy when I read my birthday card (which I happen to LOVE) from Mrs. B....

It seems that Mrs. B. has a (dare I say) "not so professional" side too.    :)