Getting It Twisted - A Little Marijuana Humor

Keep in mind that Cody enjoys listening in on other people's conversations as I share some casual dialogue between Don and I over breakfast this morning.

Me- "What are your plans today?"

Don- "I need to burn that pile of weeds in the backyard, but I don't really want to smell like smoke."

At this point, I headed into the bedroom to finish getting ready for work when I heard Cody ask Don...

"How come you're smoking weed in the backyard dad?"

Bizarre but Never Boring

Cody was full of piss and vinegar when he got off the day program van today. (Click here if you're wondering what being full of piss and vinegar means.) First of all, he tried to tell me something about rain (by the way, it's 81 degrees here and not a cloud in the sky). I asked, "What are you talking about Code?" and he replied by humming, in perfect pitch, 'Here Comes the Rain Again'.

After I guessed what Cody was humming, he hurried into the kitchen and started searching for something. (Remember, Cody is blind as well as autistic, so when I say "searching", he's frantically feeling things with his hands). I asked "What are you looking for?" as Cody scurried around opening the dishwasher and various drawers, and putting fingerprints all over the window Don cleaned yesterday.

Finally, Cody found a cupboard. He opened it, then shut it and headed back to the living room. Confused, as I often am when it comes to Cody's 'Guess what I'm trying to say because I sure as hell will not just come right out and tell you' conversations. I asked, "What does opening and closing the cupboard remind you of?" and this is what he gave me people..."When I was a kid, we listened to ELO and you said something about a cupboard."

If Cody says that's what happened, then I believe him. His autistic memory, as bizarre and unpredictable as it seems, is precise and detailed.

Speaking of bizarre and unpredictable, what came out of Cody's mouth next was probably the best oxymoron I've ever heard. He said...

"That reminds me of something that I don't remember."

See, I told you it was a good one. :)

Now, if you feel so inclined, you can watch this YouTube video and listen to the crappy music that Cody is so passionate about.

Somebody Help Me Figure This Out

Cody just asked me, "Do you remember sky piggin' in the rain?"

What the frick does that mean? Seriously. I am usually pretty good at deciphering his dialogue, but not this time.

Any ideas?

If Cody Won a Year's Supply of Ice Cream...

Cody hates ice cream and his dad loves to tease him about it. When Cody was younger and we were in the car running errands, Don would pull up to a mail box, roll down the window and say (to the mailbox) something along the lines of… "Oh, hi! How are you today? Cody would like a Post Master Sundae with two scoops of ice cream and cherries on top.” (If there were security cameras around, anyone watching must have thought we were absolutely crazy or complete idiots…or both.) At this point, Cody would usually freak out a little bit and then Don would roll the window up and drive off.



Tonight, Cody convinced Don to play Walkie Talkies with him. Don went into the bedroom, alerted Cody with a ring, and this is the conversation that went down…


Cody - “Hello!”


Don- “Hello. This is Willy Wonka from the Ice Cream Factory looking for Mr. Cody Lancaster. Do you know where he is?”


Cody- “In the living room.”


Don- “Is this Cody Lancaster?”


Cody- “Yes it is.”


Don- “Cody, you just won a year’s supply of ice cream! What flavor would you like?”


Cody- “The who cares I hate it. 10-4. Bye.”



Hang up


Ring, Ring…


Cody – “Hello.”


Don- “I’m representing the Willy Wonka Ice Cream Factory and…”


Cody- “Okay. Bye.”


And just like that, Cody was no longer interested in playing with his dad.

Autism and Chit-Chat

The following conversation took place between Cody and me this evening...

Cody- Do you remember that squeaky ride at the Lane County Fair?

Me- No. There were a lot of rides at the fair. I don't remember a squeaky one though.

Cody- I wish your memory was as good as mine.

Me- Me too, but sometimes I'm glad it isn't.

Cody- How come?

Me- Because there are things that I'd rather forget, like times you were in the hospital and stuff.

...long pause

Cody- I just as soon forget taking temperatures in my butt.

I suppose that shows his age. When did they stop using rectal thermometers? The late '80's?

The Right Things to Say to Parents of Special Needs Kids

Mark and Bonnie's blog, The Fragile X Files, is one of my favorites. When I read their post, The RIGHT Things to Say to Parents of Special Needs Kids, I knew I had to share. I hope you will click on the link and take a minute to read it.

Cody's Got My Back...Kinda

Between Don suffering from Restless Leg Syndrome, Cody thinking he's nocturnal and everybody around here snoring, sleep doesn't come easy at our house.


Last night was no exception. I have been sick, so Don volunteered to sleep on the couch and let me have the bedroom to myself. When I got up around 2:00 a.m. to check on Cody, he was awake (of course), so I had him go to the bathroom. Then I decided, instead of getting up and down to check on Cody all night, it would be sooo much easier on me to just put him on Don's side of the bed. So that's exactly what I did.

During breakfast this morning, this short, yet comical conversation took place between Cody and his dad...


Don- "Hey Cody. Did mom snore last night?"

Cody- "Ya. A little bit, but I didn't hear her."

POSH

Cody and I were sitting in the living room watching The Office tonight when, out of the blue, he leaned forward and said "Joseph was calling someone a POSH today."

Being the terrific mother that I am (hehe), I did what I always do and played his autistic mind game. I asked "What is a POSH Cody?"

He replied, "It's like dad says...a piece of crap."

I questioned Cody, "Joseph called someone a piece of shit?"

"Yes" he said.

I continued to watch The Office, making a mental note to find out who Joseph is.

True to his character, about five minutes later Cody continued the conversation by volunteering this information...

"He called me a POSH. He was teasing me."

I probably should find out exactly what goes on at Cody's day program and if uttering profanity is an everyday occurance, but right now, I just don't GASH (give a shit).

Why Not Skirt the Issue?

Rather than answering "yes" or "no" to questions he is uncomfortable with, Cody tries to sidestep confrontation by saying "a little bit". It's his way of avoiding getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar, so to speak.

Allow me to share some actual dialogue.

Me- Have you been picking at your socks, Code?
Cody- A little bit.

Me- Gross Cody! Are you drinking the pool water?!!
Cody- A little bit.

Don- Do you have the death grip on my arm?
Cody- A little bit.

Me- Did you just sit on the Speak and Spell?
Cody- Yes I did...a little bit.

Me- Did you just call Zach, Nate?
Cody- A little bit.

It seems to me that Cody uses the phrase "a little bit" A LOT more than a little bit. :)

Misunderstood Conversation

It's summer and the temperature is in the triple digits where we live. I didn't feel like cooking dinner over a hot stove/oven last night, so I asked Cody ONE simple question. Who knew it would turn into this?...


Me- What do you want to eat Code? I can make you a Tuna Sandwich, Grilled Cheese Sandwich, or microwave some leftover Pasta and Chicken.


Cody- Mac and Cheese!


Me- Mac and Cheese wasn't an option.


Cody- It wasn't adoption?


Me- No. Not adoption Code. AN OPTION.


Cody- It wasn't the auction?


Me- Never mind. I give up.



Some days are just better than others.

Funny Words and Expressions

A few days ago, Katelyn and her friend Nate were having a conversation and Katelyn used the word "traipsing". Nate thought it was hilarious. He had never heard the word and was sure Katelyn was making it up. The two of them decided to look up "traipse" in the dictionary and this is what they found...

Traipse [Trayps] - to wander without purpose; to walk around casually and without a specific destination

Then I started thinking, Nate felt the way I did the first time I heard my husband use the expression "Full of Piss and Vinegar". I wrote about it in my August 2010 Archive, but I'm posting again for those of you who may have missed it the first time. Here goes.

Yesterday my husband told our son he was "Full of Piss and Vinegar". I asked him "What does that mean? I have been married to you for twenty-eight years and I've never heard you say that!" He told me "I don't know. It's a southern thing."

Then I started thinking about some of the funny expressions that I've heard my parents and grandparents use. Here are a few:

Doohicky- anything you can't put a name on
Knee High to a Grasshopper- describes someone who is short
You're Cruisin' for a Bruisin'- you're going to get in trouble
I Have a Bone to Pick with You- you disagree and want to discuss it
Mind your P's and Q's- Be good
Yessirreebob- Yes! For sure!
Oh Horse Feathers!- I don't believe it.
Fork Over- Give me some
School of Hard Knocks- learn the hard way
Quit Horsing Around- quit goofing off

I think it's interesting how some expressions change over time. I remember the first time my son heard me say "soused". He thought I made it up until he heard an older gentleman say it.

What goes around comes around. I'm sure children of the younger generation will laugh at their parents when they say things like...

I'm Down- I'm okay with it
PHAT (fat)- Pretty Hot And Tempting
Tight- very close, as in best friends are tight.
Word Up?- "What's going on?"
Sick- meaning cool or neat

Can you think of other funny words or expressions?

Facebook Stalking

Katelyn was sitting on the sofa with her laptop last night, when she suddenly blurted out, "Oh my gosh. I think Brian is engaged!" My daughter was obviously facebook stalking, something she enjoys doing whenever she has a spare minute. Immediately, Katelyn began chatting, via facebook, with her best friend Kaitlen. (Yes. They have the same name. Try not to get confused.)

Before I show you their actual conversation, which they kindly gave me permission to use, let me set up the scenario for you. (Names have been changed to protect the guilty.)

It was only a few short weeks ago that my daughter, Katelyn, was dating Brian, a boy she met in her biology lab. Things kind of fizzled out between the two of them because Brian preferred "hanging out" in large groups and playing volleyball. Katelyn thought that was just weird. She also didn't like the fact that Brian didn't have a job and still lived with his parents in their humongous mansion bought with multi-level marketing money (a sore subject within our family).

From the way Katelyn and Kaitlen (girlie girls) describe Brian, he is a twenty-something year old Hugh Hefner except, Hugh likes pretty women and apparently Brian prefers the butchy type that live in sweat pants and don't wear make-up or shave their legs.

Now that you've got the low down, here are Katelyn and Kaitlen's texts, for your entertainment...


Katelyn- Brian's engaged!

Kaitlen- Shut your mouth!?!!!

Katelyn- Look at his wall!

Kaitlen- Hahaha. Are you kidding me? I cannot stop laughing.

Katelyn- He has to be. It only makes sense. I looked at his older posts and a lot of people are saying congrats!

Kaitlen- Are you KIDDING ME?!

Katelyn- I am pissed. Hahahaha. I want to just rant on his wall.

Kaitlen- Oh my gosh. Me too!

Katelyn- I am dying. I need to say something! What do I say? What do I say?

Kaitlen- Oh, you definitely do. Just text him or something. I don't know if I want to laugh, or cry, or vomit.

Katelyn- He is so two-faced. They haven't been back together more than two months, because that's how long it's been since we stopped dating, and Abbey broke up with him like forever ago. Why the hell is she back with him and marrying him so suddenly? I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do!

Kaitlen- Let's take him a congratulations cake and shove it in his face....and kick him in the nuts so Abbey feels no pleasure.

Katelyn- I should write on his wall and "kick him in the nuts so Abbey feels no pleasure" might be the best thing I have ever heard you say! My mom (she's talking about me here) says, "I wonder if  Abbey will wear sweats to her wedding. Better yet, I wonder if she'll wear sweats on her honeymoon night?"

and now for the punchline...

Kaitlen- I can almost guarantee it. They probably won't even have sex. They'll probably just play some volleyball!



I don't need to watch 'Big Brother' or 'The Hills' for entertainment. I live with a teenage girl. :)

Conversations Between Cody and His Dad/ A Father's Day Post

Cody loves his dad. I could not begin to count the number of times Cody says "dad" when Don is home. Seriously, it would be a ridiculous amount.

"Good morning dad."
"What do you think of that dad?"
"Hey dad!"
"How come you clear your throat all the time dad."
"Dad. What did you do at the 'port?"
"Did you get dust up your nose dad?"

When my other kids were little, I use to tell them if they didn't stop saying "mom", I was going to change my name, but not Cody. He is perfectly happy yakking at his dad.

Cody and Don also like to tease one another and call each other names. I have captured a few conversations Cody and his dad have had over the last week...

Cody- "You smell like a bird dad."
Don- "Really? What does a bird smell like?"
Cody- "Kinda like manure."

Don- "Hi Fred."
Cody- "S'up Dollar Face?"
Don- "Not much Pocket Change."

Cody- belching so loud that he could win any burping contest
Don-  (quite annoyed) "Have you ever noticed that nobody else around here does that?"
Cody- "Not really."

Here is a Father's Day poem Cody made up for his dad:

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Splenda is sweet
and so are you! 

Make your own free photo collage

Negligees and Ragged Pajamas

Cody likes to pick at his clothes. Those who read my blog regularly already know that Cody picks at his socks, but he also lies in bed at night and picks at the seams of his pajama tops. I have resorted to purchasing the Hanes 3 pack tee shirts and having him wear them at night. Why put Cody in a nice pair of pajamas if he's just going to ruin them, right?

Late one evening, Don and I had to make a trip into town. Cody, already bathed and wearing his 'make-shift' pajamas, climbed into the car with us. As I looked at Cody's sleeve, I said to Don, "Look at Cody's tee shirt. People are going to think we are negligent parents."

About a mile down the road, Cody said, "Why are people going to think your Randy Travis?" (Confused yet? I was!) Anyhow, this is what followed...

Don- Driving and most likely tuning me and Cody out.
Me- "Why would people think I'm Randy Travis Cody?"
Cody- "You know...'like that pretty negligee that I bought you to wear'. Randy Travis."

After giving it some thought, I realized Cody was quoting lyrics to Randy Travis' song 'Diggin' Up Bones' that was released in 1987! Apparently Cody thought negligent and negligee were the same thing.

Here's the YouTube clip if you'd like to listen to the lyrics and see for yourself. If not, I certainly understand. :)



This is everyday life with Cody. Our conversations are ALL OVER the place.

Autism/ Taking Things Literally

Don, Cody and I were running errands late this afternoon and the following conversation took place in the car:

Me- We need to get home so I can make dinner... OR we could just grab something, unless you already ate a burger for lunch?

Don- No. I didn't. I ate the frozen pizza I had at work.

Cody- Frozen pizza!!!!?? That's disgusting!

Smart or Smart Aleck?

For as long as I can remember, Cody has been infatuated with abbreviations. I've listed examples of some he is familiar with.

NBA
ARFF
FAA
FBO
FBI
CIA
CSI
CPR
SCUBA
AFV
AARP
NFL
AT
NT
ATM
CLR
SSI
AC
TNT
BSA
DMV
CD
CDL
FFA
ABC
WWW
NBC

I am certain Cody knows countless others, nevertheless I was surprised this evening when Don asked Cody to help him do something and his reply was...

"DIY dad!"

I had no idea he knew that one!

Smart Aleck [al-ik]-
-noun
1. a wise guy
2. an obnoxiously conceited person


Just for fun, how many of these do YOU know?

Excerpts from the Mouth of Cody

Every time Chase takes Cody for a ride in his truck, the following conversation takes place...
Chase- What CD do you want to listen to Fatty?
Cody- Eminem.
Chase- I don't have Eminem anymore.
Cody- Korn.


Don was singing as he helped Cody out of the bathtub. This is how Cody reacted...
Cody- Stop singing.
Don- You don't like my singing?
Cody- Nope.
Don- Don't you think I'm a good singer?
Cody- Not really.


When anybody yawns, Cody will say, "Can'tcha wait 'till nine tonight?"


When people sneeze, Cody asks, "Did you get dust up your nose, or just allergies?"


Cody was reminiscing about playing 'Rock, Paper, Scissors'...
Cody-  "Get this. Paper covers rock and scissors cut paper."
Me- Oh ya? What does rock do? Crush scissors or something?
Cody- No, no, no. Rock crushes water.
(Water?)


Somebody on television said, "Jennifer lost her baby."
Cody asked, " How did Jennifer's baby get lost?"


Cody- Katelyn, do you think you can plant olives in the spring time?
Katelyn (half ingnoring Cody and oblivious to the fact that an Olive Garden television commercial just came on)- Probably.
Cody- No. This is serious! Who plants olives?

Cody's Dinner Conversation Topic

A great meal requires not only good food but good conversation. Tonight, Cody stepped up to the plate and got the conversation flowing...

Cody- You going to see Lady Gaga?

Me- Who are you talking to Code?

Cody- Dad.




Don? At a Lady Gaga concert? Now that would be a sight to behold!

Ah-la-la-la. I Can't Hear You.

Those of you that have been following my blog for awhile know that Chase, my son who is three years younger than Cody, is a tease. The two boys have a one-of-a-kind relationship. When Chase comes to our house, he almost always talks to Cody first. Then the teasing begins. Chase knows exactly what to say to get Cody worked up. For some reason Chase finds this amusing. (I, however, find it rather nerve-racking.)

Today was no exception. Chase came to our house right after lunch and walked over to where Cody was sitting. He started to talk to him, but Cody, anticipating Chase's inevitable teasing, reacted differently this time. The conversation (or lack thereof) went like this...

Chase- How was

Cody- Ah-la-la-la. I can't hear you.

Chase- Cody, I said how was

Cody- Ah-la-la-la. I can't hear you.

Chase- Why are you

Cody- Ah-la-la-la. I can't hear you.

Chase- What are

Cody- Ah-la-la-la. I can't hear you.

It appears that Cody has found a new way to deal with Chase's teasing.

Could Cody Have Telepathy?

Today, as I greeted Cody after his Day Program, our conversation went like this:

Me- "How was bowling today?"
Cody- "I got a spare."
Me- "No strike today?"
Cody- "Not today."

Cody- "What is lacy, red and white, and shaped like a heart?"
Me- "A valentine."

long pause

Cody- "Latisha's stuffed animal died."


I'm thinking Cody is either developing a wild imagination, or he is learning how to lie (and really sucks at it), or he thinks he is Dr. Doolittle and can talk with the animals. Yesterday Cody told the family, "Homie dreamed that the neighbor's cat had cancer." Yeah, yeah. Read that sentence once more and let it soak in because...Homie is our DOG!